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Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
communicants
communicants

Les parapluies de Cherbourg (Jacques Demy, 1964)

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br-o-ken-poetry
You know what I hate? Myself. I hate the way my voice sounds when I hear it on tape. I hate the way I move, when I watch myself on film afterwards. I hate the way I feel I’m doing something at the time, when in reality I just look like an idiot. I hate my face in profile. I hate the way I look, the way I speak, the way I walk, talk, and the rest, too. I’m just an ugly, awkward person, and I don’t see how anyone could ever like me, ever.
me (via br-o-ken-poetry)
bdsm--life
melusine624 melusine624

i will never feel like a girl. whenever i see a woman’s body in a sexualized context it feels foreign to me. e.g. watching french film, shot of a young woman from behind putting on/adjusting her bra, i think, “my body does not look like this”, and it really doesn’t, i don’t just think it’s the BDD. the girl is slight, with thin arms and a short pretty bob, and i think in my head, like consciously/unconsciously, like, this is what a girl is supposed to look like, and i am not this. i do not feel like a girl or woman. it’s strange. when you guys see other girls like, idk, models, or even actresses, portrayed in certain ways via photo/film do you identify with her? i never do. it is like they’re the pretty older teenagers and i’m the little homely girl

eleionomae-iv eleionomae-iv

I feel actively attacked by female sexualization- in that I know I am excluded. when I starve myself, it’s like I am role playing that maybe one day I could be this but just am not. I have been referred to as a thing, ugly, average…. I’ve always identified with men for this reason, as a half-formed and disfunctional woman, the least I could do is embrace masculinity. And really, that’s why I write

beurselfhavefun beurselfhavefun

I agree with both of u I don’t really relate to being a woman but I still feel attached to women pop culture stuff and fashion or whatever because I grew up wanting to be that and look like that I guess but knew I never would… All the girls I know or just see around irl are like annoyingly more attractive and feminine looking than me and that isn’t supposed to matter but it just does and being around them makes me feel gross. I’ve never had long term friendships with women really and not on purpose i try to connect with them but I usually don’t or it wears off quickly idk

melusine624 melusine624

I feel the same way re: like feminine/girly things, I love makeup and pink and I think part of that (part because I think bigger part is my fear/resistance of/to adulthood) is because I am always so desperately trying to hold onto some aspect of femininity for fear that I’ll lose any ounce of feminine appearance I have. I am very paranoid/afraid of being seen as a man/masculine in any way

saluki6 saluki6

same at what you said Madeleine but it’s so frustrating because I don’t feel like me being super feminine or the opposite works because I’m not naturally pretty. like I feel like I can’t “pull off” anything and end up feeling like either a fraud or a slob no matter what 

melusine624 melusine624

i feel the same way! like i feel like i am so ugly that even my attempts at beauty through makeup, starving/dieting, the way i dress/present myself, i am still too masculine. it’s like, i am never a girl, unless i am being sexualized, where i feel more like a girl, but am still confused as to why i am being sexualized, because i feel that i am not a girl, and a man should not see me in sexual way. 

zynab1929 zynab1929

I feel this too much…..I don’t feel good enough to be a “real girl”. I feel I’ve been shown every day of my life real girls look and act and are a certain way and I am not that at all…..it’s painful but idk what to do about it? to escape the pain of not being good enough to be a woman, and the disappointment of trying to be one yet failing, I’ve been thinking of myself as an ugly untouchable old man since I was like 8 years old and now I feel split and like I’ve become Him idk who or what I am anymore!!! but I’m not worthy of being a beautiful girl like all the other beautiful girls that’s for sure. even when I’ve fixed myself and I’m at my lowest weight and wearing makeup I feel like I’m wearing a mask or some kind of plastic skin layer I feel like an ugly old disgusting man with a stupid “Girl” costume on that everyone can see through and they’re secretly laughing at me they’re laughing at the old man

strayballoon strayballoon

Yes 100% to this whole post I haven’t related to anything more than this….sometimes, most of the time actually, I feel like I don’t deserve be feminine/girly/pretty. Because I know I’m not skinny and my body does not have a small or delicate frame like a lot of praised girls and women. Of course these standards of femininity and “girlish” or even “ladylike” beauty are all brainwashed into us, I just can’t help but wonder if exercising feminine beauty comes naturally to a lot of people or if they struggle and suffer to match up to expectations like I do. I can try to be pretty and girly, and to do that I put a lot of effort into dressing up/doing my makeup and hair really nice because I believe if I can convince myself I “make a pretty-enough girl” I will feel confident. It used to work really well but lately, like Zynab said, I feel like I’m wearing a “girl” costume and I’m just not fooling myself anymore. I can’t convince myself I’m pretty enough. So I’m having this weird and ️lonely phase in my life right now where I just withdraw from social media as much as I can because I just can’t take it anymore tbh all I want is to feel and be pretty again and it’s so sad that I measure my happiness and worth based on how pleased I am with my external femininity. It’s like I’m wrapping myself in a cocoon hoping that I will come back prettier than before

laurapalmer1992 laurapalmer1992

i relate to this post so bad, i never feel feminine enough because i’m not skinny and small

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